My footballing career highlights

I'm aware that the footballing world at large is unlikely to lose any sleep over this announcement, but I've decided to hang up my boots.

The second half of our break in Ibiza was marred by the sight of me hobbling around the hotel on a walking stick after tearing/pulling/buggering my right calf muscle in an ill-advised game of five-a-side played, equally ill-advisedly, in 100 degree temperatures at 12.30 in the afternoon.

And before any war-wounded sporting heroes out there chip in with "If you'd torn your calf muscle, you'd know about it mate" type comments, yes, I would know about it and I blimmin' well still do. It felt like someone had shot me in the leg!

Anyway, this is the third time in a year that I've had problems with the same leg so I'm calling it a day. No more brief sojourns out of retirement for me, not even for a huff, puff and five pints afterwards with my brother-in-law Keith Pollitt's unofficial Gate FC's Over 50s team in Winsford.

So, while there will be few out there mourning this sad loss to the Beautiful Game, I thought I might mark this mid-life milestone with another list. My top ten career highlights:

1. My first game of organised football for Raeburn Primary School. It was second year juniors (now Year 4) and against Higher Beb Primary. I went in goal for some reason. We lost 7-1 but I wasn't at fault for any of them, obviously.

2. Playing at Prenton Park for Bromborough Boys U13s in the warm up for cross-eyed Tranmere goalie Dickie Johnson's testimonial against Everton.

3. Being invited by an old mate Ian McKeown to go pre-season training with Port Sunlight FC. It involved running up and down the sand dunes on Moreton Shore on a Sunday morning after a particularly heavy night out. I was sick several times so never went back again out of embarrassment.

4. Scoring two beauties for FC Merebrook against Black Lion (we hated them) in the semi final of some cup or other. Unfortunately, our 'impenetrable' defence later managed to turn our 2-1 lead into a 3-2 defeat during just two minutes of stoppage time. *Sigh*

5. Raeburn losing twice in the semi-finals of the Wirral Schools Cup to Heygarth Primary. Year one they won 6-0. The next year it was 5-0. John Ebbrell played for Heygarth and was about twenty thousand times better than anyone else on the pitch. I think he scored the lot.

6. Nutmegging ex-Tranmere defender Steve Edwards in one of my handful of appearances for West Cheshire Leaguers Manor Athletic. He was well past his best and was player manager of Welsh League Club Mold FC at the time, but I was right pleased with myself. He went right through me next time I got the ball.

7. Being beaten up on the pitch by players from the Building School at Leeds Polytechnic. I was playing for the Law School at the time and admittedly I had started it all by chinning one of their central defenders. The referee had to dive on top of me for my own protection because even the subs joined in on the action.

8. Slotting home a last minute penalty for Allport Hawks U14s to make it 2-2 against someone or other. We had lost every other game that season.

9. Scoring for Bromborough Boys against Connah's Quay in the final of the Fletcher Shield. It was a competition for the bottom six clubs in the league but it was like the World Cup Final to us.

10. Around 20-0 down in whatever game we were playing, Mark Barlow volleyed one from the half way line and hit our own cross bar, just to add some interest to the game. Mark, you remain a legend.